“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” – Audre Lorde
Life as we know it
Every day I have conversations with people who have told me how upset, scared, and horrified they are at the never ending horrors taking place in the United States and around the world. “I just don’t know what’s happening to our world” or ” I just feel so overwhelmed and helpless” is often a sentiment I hear echoed throughout my personal and professional communities. We are witnessing so much pain, violence, animosity, and uncertainty on a daily basis.
For most of us, it feels as though the world is bleeding and all we can do is stand by in powerless horror, wishing that there was some way to make it stop. Some of us follow the news religiously, some of us try to be politically active as best we know how, some of us pray, but at what point does all of it become too much for us to handle?
Balancing the Beauty and Horror
I remember starting out as a budding therapist. Straight out of school, ready (in my mind) to heal the world around me (or at least all my clients). Many older and wiser professors had warned me of “compassion fatigue” and I understood on a logical level but never really internalized it. Then came the people sitting in my office with stories filled with so much pain and horror that I found myself taking their stories home with me. Replaying what they told me as I tried to make dinner with my husband, take a shower, and get ready for bed. The world can be such a cruel and horrible place. I would start thinking to myself, the suffering will never stop. Each day, it would get a little harder walking into my office knowing what awaited me. I felt myself becoming angry, jaded and frustrated.
Finally, after working with my supervisor and talking with some of my close colleagues I truly discovered what “compassion fatigue” meant and no, you don’t have to be a therapist to struggle with it. It means that if you don’t find ways to deal with the cruelty of life, you’ll continuously find yourself anxious and upset about everything and nothing. Anxiety disorders are the most common illness in the United States and while there are many factors at play, I truly believe that our constant exposure to negative events are in part to blame.
Finding ways to Thrive EVEN in the Burning Dumpster Fire
1. understand your own compassion tank
So how do we heal ourselves without burying our heads in the sand? Some people claim that they don’t watch the news or become politically active because it’s upsetting. Many mental health professionals ( myself included) don’t prescribe this as the “cure” as being uninformed can lead to more harm than good. What I DO suggest is learning when your “compassion tank” is almost on empty. Are you starting to feel rundown? Is your mind racing? Are you feeling “down” constantly? Start tuning into your mental and physical clues and you’ll be able to start gauging your own personal comfort level.
Once you’re able to tune into your own comfort zones PAUSE THE STIMULI. I said it. Turn off the news. Turn off NPR. Delete your Facebook and Twitter app for the day, whatever it takes. This part however, is easier said than done as many of us feel guilty if we aren’t experiencing the pain and the horror along with the victims, however you simply cannot pour from an empty cup. No one helps a situation if they’re immobilized with fear, rage and depression.
2. lean into community
Research has shown time and time again that a strong community is an integral part of good mental health. You need your people and they need you. Community means connection, and that connection show up in many ways. Potlucks with friends, zoom coffee time, neighborhood get togethers, events at your local library, volunteering in your town, the list goes on and on. Maybe it starts with sharing some extra produce from your garden with your neighbors.
Building and maintaining strong connections isn’t just great for our well being, it’s good for our society- change starts small.
3. dissociation doesn’t have to be a dirty word
Do you unwind watching the Love Island? Go on ahead, I won’t tell anyone. Put it on.
While you’re at it, make yourself a cup of tea. Need a break from screens all together? Pick a lighthearted book and escape for a bit.
Go for a walk.
Draw.
Color.
Hyper focus on a craft project.
Grab your yoga mat.
Get lost gardening and caring for the earth around you.
Deep clean your kitchen while listening to an engrossing audiobook.
Choosing to engage in joy is not just a great way to support your mental health, it is an act of resistance in a world full of pain.
Again, I want to impress upon you, don’t want you to stop caring or check out all the time. But, I invite you to take a break from the hurt and build some joy and connection. I promise, you’ll be able to catch up on all the events you could ever want to be informed about when you’re done with the click of a button. But for now, put your own well-being first. No one else can do that but you.
Yasmine Binghalib is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Relationship Specialist with a private practice serving clients in California, Connecticut, and Rhode Island.
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